Feelings Within
by hamaell
Summary: L remembering moments with Light as he is dying. One-shot. Slight sexual content, hence why it's rated M. Spoiler and character death.


**Author's Note:**

Yeah.. This is my first fanfic. Ever. I'm not completely satisfied with it, but for the moment it's ok. I might go back and change it later on, though.

Comments and constructive criticism are _much_ appreciated. It would be nice to know if there's anything I could change to make this fanfic better.

So, basically this fanfic takes place at the time of L's death (vol 7, chapter 58: feelings within). As L's is dying, he remembers moments with Light, blablabla.. I suppose you already read the summary, so I won't spend more time on this. I choose to use the title of the original chapter because I though it fitted, period.

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Death Note or any of its characters, and I never will. This is purely fan-made, with no intentions what-so-ever to claim owner-rights to the original series.

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As the lights went out and the computer screens all turned white with the message "all data deleted" written across them in black letters, L felt cold. He could hear the others shouting, wondering what the hell was going on. But L knew. Of course he knew. He had been expecting it all along, after all. Ever since he first showed his face to the investigation team, he knew that it was only a matter of time. Although, truth be told, he had not expected it to happen so soon.

'I told Watari that if something ever happened to him, he should erase all the data he can, and to set his system up to erase automatically after a certain amount of time.' L raised his voice, trying to keep it under control as he explained. He needed to sound calm, which he, quite frankly, was not. But with everything that was going on around him, and in his mind, the last thing he needed was an investigation team freaking out more than necessary.

'If something happened to him..?' Aizawa's eyes darted from the computer screens to L, and then back again, seeming to struggle to comprehend what L was telling him.

'You mean… Like death..?' Matsuda said quietly, his voice trembling with fear.

'Where is the Shinigami?!' L asked, ignoring their questions. _Damn it, Kira! _L cursed the mass murderer under his breath, his eyes glaring at the computer in front of him. _Why did you have to kill him? He has never done you any harm!_

'Oh, yeah, where did..?' Soichiro turned around, staring into the darkness surrounding them, trying to spot Rem. It was useless, of course, since the Death God was no where near them.

'Everyone, the shiniga…' L found himself not being able to finish his sentence. Words failed him as he felt the sudden numbness in his chest.

'Huh? What's wrong, Ryuzaki?' Soichiro's voice floated to his ears, but L could not be bothered concentrating on that. Soichiro was insignificant.

He vaguely registered the sound of the spoon, the spoon he had been holding between his finders just seconds ago, hitting the floor with a metallic thud. He felt himself falling out of his chair, as in slow-motion, landing on the cold floor in a way that probably would have been painful any other time apart from now. _So this is it_, he thought.

He felt someone tugging at his sweater, lifting him up and cradling him to a warm chest. L made his eyes focus, finding himself staring into the most beautiful face ever to have walked the planet.

'Ryuzaki?!' Light's voice cracked with panic, his eyes opened wide with shock. He was clutching L to his chest, tears beginning to moisture his eyes, threatening to spill over the edges.

_Yagami Light_, L thought. It was strange how his heart ached with sadness as he realized that he would never see the teen again, ever. Light had come to play a very important role in L's life, and pain ripped inside of him at the though of leaving the boy behind, alone. From the very moment L had told Light who he was, the strange relationship of theirs had begin to grow, twisting and flipping, turning into something L had never experience before.

Although L had been positive that Light was Kira from the very start of his involvement in the Kira case, it had not prevented him from slowly starting to appreciate the younger male's company. Never before had he met such a competent person as Light. Not even Near or Mello came even close. With his brilliant acting, calculating brain and ever-changing eyes, Light intrigued L in a way he could not understand. Lean body slightly tanned skin, auburn coloured hair… Light was almost flawless, looking more like some kind of God than a Japanese teenager.

L was quite surprised with himself. Considering he had only seconds left to live, memories from his moment with Light came washing over him like waves, as Light himself was rocking him back and forth on the floor. He had always been sure that at the time of his death, he would simple close his eyes and, well, die. But this was different.

_Different__ is good_, L thought and continued to stare into Light's eyes as his mind went through every memory he had of Light, replaying it for him in his head.

The first memory came crashing down on him, dragging him into the University. Him and Light leaving a classroom, discussing whether or not the risk of developing a mental illness would be decreased by adding a certain amount of sugar in a person's diet for a certain amount of time. Light flicking his hair, brow furred, his nose wrinkled in annoyance as L ended the discussion by abruptly demanding a piece of cake. _He looks so cute when he does that_, L though to himself.

Second memory. Light imprisoned, hands tied behind his back. The sudden change of character as he looked straight in to the camera, demanding to be released as he now knew for a fact that he was not Kira. L putting his thumb to his lips, chewing on it, while observing the young man. _What to do? What to do?_ 'I can't let you go, Light-kun,' he had said. Or something like that, anyway. L couldn't really remember.

Another memory. Light sleeping next to him in a king-sized bed, his hand chained to L's in an attempt to prevent Light from running away. L looking at Light, whose skin appeared to be pale white when bathed in moonlight, a warm feeling bubbling in his chest. His surprise as Light suddenly rolled over to his side, cuddling up against L and draping his arm across L's waist. L's heart pounding hard, so hard, behind his ribs. But Light was oblivious, mumbling something that sounded awfully much like 'Ryuzaki..' before sighing and drifting deeper into sleep, a smile playing on his thin lips.

Next memory followed without any pause. There was L and Light in the kitchen, making a cake. Light laughing as L accidently fell over while carrying a bowl of vanilla icing, resulting in him falling flat on the floor, vanilla icing splattered all over his face. L blushing, sitting up on his knees. 'Will you please hand me some paper, Light-kun?' he asked, wiping the icing from his eyes with one hand. 'I don't think so, Ryuzaki,' Light had answered, an emotion L had never seen before flashing in his eyes. 'Why not?' L had asked, quite annoyed. 'All Light-kun have to do is…' L not being allowed to finish his sentence as Light's lips crashed against his. Different tastes filling his mouth. _Light, vanilla icing, Light…_ Tongues brushing against each other, making him shiver.

Next memory would have made him blush on any other occasion. L lying on his back on the bed. Panting. Sweating. Light hovering over him, lust in his eyes, his lips swollen. Clothes thrown on the floor, forgotten completely as Light bent his head down, his lips kissing and sucking, biting down on L's pale skin. L moaning, his fingers curled in Light's hair. The overwhelming pleasure as Light moved in him - thrusting, slamming, pounding him into the mattress. L's back arching, his hips buckling upwards to meet Light's. L screaming out his lover's name as his world exploded in a thousand stars when Light hit his sweet spot, Light burying himself deep in L has he came, moaning L's name, over and over again. Light pulling out, rolling over and hugging him tightly. Quietly whispering 'I love you' in his ear, L's head spinning.

L winced inwards as the final memory forced its way into his mind. Light staring at him, his eyes cold. He was Kira again. His beautiful, innocent Light, the Light who used to kiss his forehead every night before he went to sleep, the Light to used to squeeze his hand and whisper loving nonsense in his ear when no one else was looking, was gone. The caring teen replaced by a calculating, down right evil mass murderer, in just the blink of an eye. The pain in L's chest as he realised that Light was gone, the hope that filled him and almost made him fly whenever he saw traces of the old Light every time Kira let his guard down. Starting to realise that there was two people sharing Light's body: Light, the young boy whom he had come to love above everything, and Kira, the cold-hearted monster who killed without a second thought. L trying to talk to Light, trying to make him come back. But Light was gone, Kira having taken over his body and forcing him to submit to him. The horrible things he was forced to do, the "old" Light screaming and crying in his sleep, begging for forgiveness, as the nightmares played with his head. L desperately trying to soothe him, stroking his hair and wiping the tears from his face.

L's vision blurred, and he had to concentrate really hard to focus on the teen above him. He saw the tears starting to leave Light's eyes, and he felt them as they landed on his cheek, trailing wet patterns on his skin. Light was pale, grief and despair written all over his face, while Kira's evil grin tugged at his lips, distorting Light's otherwise so beautiful features. While Kira finally had managed to kill his arch nemesis and was relishing in his success, Light was horrified at what he had done. L could see the inner struggle through Light's eyes; he could see how Kira messed up Light's mind even more. He could see how his Light wanted nothing but to scream in agonized, emotional pain on the top of his lungs.

_Oh, Kira__…_, L though, closing his eyes for the last time. He slumped in Light's arms, his head falling back as his last breath whooshed out of his lungs, tickling his lips.

…_what have you done to my Light?_


End file.
